Time

Time never feels like you thought it would.  Those important parts of a person's life like being a college senior, getting married, or buying a house you never feel like you thought you would.  You are never as far along in your life as you had hoped and you still most likely never feel like a grown up.  However, you have to appreciate where you are regardless of where you thought you would be.  Expectations keep us from being happy and appreciating our potential.  Maybe it is a good thing you aren't as far along as you wanted to be.  Perhaps you had some fun along the way instead of being so serious and dedicated 24/7.  Life is more than the accomplishment you place on your resume.  Life is about the mark you leave on the world by the way you touch the lives of the people around you.  Never forget your first loves, and I am not talking about your first boyfriend or girlfriend even though you should never forget them as well.  I am talking about the things you fell in love with doing, seeing, or being.  I feel like as we age we no longer feel the need to be creative and unqiue anymore.  It's like you found out who you are so you just stop exploring and enjoying certain things that used to partly define you.  Never turn your back on something that helps you discover yourself, self reflect, or relax you.  We are too stressed as a culture.  Everyone needs that one or two or three or how many ever things that keep them happy and sane.  Writing is one thing I have been struggling to keep to myself.  I used to write all the time.  Every little thought I had I would write it.  I am trying to get back into it because I miss and I feel like I've lost part of myself.  Just like tonight I took a whim to write and look at all the thoughts I had that I had no clue where circling in my head.  Writing is a very powerful tool for that very reason.  It makes things so much clearer to just put them out there rather than trying to figure it would inside your head.  Another passion of mine I have mostly given up on is singing.  I am so painfully shy to sing in front of people even though I have done it.  I would really like to try to see if I can at least make some youtube videos of myself singing.  If I never do anything I will always wonder what would people have thought.  That's another thing trying is one of the most important things to do, because you will never know what could have been.  The what could have been will haunt you for the rest of your life.  I have seen several people ruin their lives over one important event or situation where they did not try to see what would happen.  Being scared is for people who are immortal.  When you have limited time you have to use it every day, but it is hard.  It is sooo much easier to just sit back and take the easy road, but I promise when everyone reaches the end of their road they regret not taking the senic route...

New PLAN

Tomorrow is the offical day I start my new plan to a healthier and happier me.  I am going to partially do that by writing everyday so I am forced to think about my actions, thoughts, and progress.  Today I ate healthy and I worked out for almost an hour.  I felt more comfortable and confident in public.  I had a shift in thinking aobut my life.  I have decided to be more confident and accepting of others.  I don't need to just assume someone is a certain way because they look like it or assume they think I'm not good enough.  I also need to stop being scared and get out and do some volunteer work.  I hope this new plan works well!

New found Happiness

Happiness is a decision.  Some people lose sight of the power they have over their lives.  Enjoy everything you do.  No matter what it is.  Enjoy being alive and breathing, because one day you won’t be.  One day you will miss those old formally boring and horrible days. 

If you have someone around your house you are waiting for a special occasion to use-don’t.  Burn that special candle or put out that beautiful new picture.  Don’t wait to enjoy life for a special occasion enjoy if every day, every hour, every minute, every second. 

Everyone has something different about them it may be viewed as positive, neutral, or negative.  Regardless of what it is, it makes you-you.  Celebrate it, use it to benefit you.  Don’t waste time over analyzing yourself or comparing yourself to other, because we are all different.  We are all supposed to be different!  We need to stop trying to all fit it and just stand out like we are naturally meant to. 

Don’t let the bad parts of your past continually upset you and bring you down.  Rise above the negative and turn it into a passion to create something positive.

You never need to be afraid to love or to open yourself up to someone.  This is true if you unconditionally love yourself.  If you love, value, and respect yourself no matter what anyone does to you you will be fine. 

Don’t spend your time thinking about how foolishly other people think.  Don’t try to understand how other people can come to such different conclusions as you.  Everyone has a different path so stay on your own pathway.  What is important is how you think about your life and life in general. 

Dream and dream as big as you want.  Our dreams are what defines us, inspires us, drives us. 

A while

Been a while since I have written… The remainder of this year has been strange for me.  Lots of personal and family health problems have been complicating my mind.  Often I think of the past.  Of the person I used to be, once was.  I miss her, yet I know I would never want to be her again.  She was different, unique, somewhat fearless, and gone.  I had my own style own way of doing things, thinking, living, and being.  For some reason that person disappeared when the group I hung around did.  So was I really her or was that just the me when I was around those particular people?  I guess who we are depends on who is around us.  No one wants to change because they are with another person, but it’s natural we do.  We get exposed to new things and that changes us.  I don’t think it is necessarily bad unless you change everything about yourself depending on your flavor of the month.  The thing I miss most about myself is writing and self expression.  I used to take a lot of time to think, write, listen to music, dream, and express myself though fashion.  I guess now I don’t make the time because my soul isn’t at odds with the world anymore.  However, I do want to make time to write more.  Writing is wonderful medicine for the soul.  Words have such everlasting power.  The main thing is see that has changed who I am and how I act is my weight and body image.  Sure in the past I wanted to lose a few pounds, but I wasn’t over weight and I was very confident in myself.  People can see when you are confident.  It makes a difference.  It’s really hard to try to lose weight.  For some people it seems easy, but for me it hasn’t been.  Even when I cut back on food and exercise more it seems to not really make a difference.  My biggest problem is eating right.  I try really hard, but somehow at the end of the day I regret eating a lot of things.  I’ve been trying to figure out if I am actually addicted to food or just have poor eating habits.  I’m not sure if it’s both or just the bad habits.  I have to do this though.   I have to figure out how to make the right changes, because this is my life.  If I don’t get control over it now it will consume me like it has consumed many people in my family.  I don’t have a problem with working out.  Most of the time I can find time to do it, and I enjoy it.  I look forward to becoming healthier so I will feel, look, and act better.  I think it will truly change my life and the way I live it. 

Tomorrow I am going with my Grandmother to get my hair done.  I’ve never been to this place, so I hope it works out well.  Not much is worse than getting a bad hair cut/color job.  I love to spend time with my Grandmother, but it is also very depressing and draining lately.  However, I know it helps lift her spirits when someone comes to visit and I love her very much.  It is important to be selfless.  I hope karma does exist, because I hope one day to grow old and eventually everyone gets where they need a little extra help and I hope I will have someone willing to help me.  I mean I just hope someone will love me as much as I love my grandmother.  I hope to be the kind of person a grandchild could look up to and love.  Family is important.  I really worry that my family will fall apart when my grandparents die, but I will try my best to keep the family together. 

I also love my Mother.  She has taught me a great lesson by being very kind and compassionate whenever I have made mistakes.  Especially the dumb ones.  She does a great job of letting you know what you did wrong, but not embarrassing you and making you feel stupid.  No one likes to feel stupid.  To make someone feel stupid is to belittle them.  Everyone makes mistakes big ones, dumb ones, little ones, important ones, but it is what makes us human.  Being human is a wonderful adventure.  I don’t understand why we don’t help each other along the way more.  We are always criticizing and putting down others.  We are always trying to be better than one another instead of trying to build everyone up.  I have always wanted to say to a large crowd imagine what the world would be like if we all woke up every morning determined to make the world a better place.  If even just with one small act of kindness like opening a door, saying thank you, sending a thoughtful card, or calling up an old friend.  I think sometimes the smallest things make the biggest difference.  It’s those things you know people are just naturally doing out of the goodness of their hearts.  Something as simple as a waitress saying she likes your earrings or a older man saying thank you young lade for opening the door.  Those things matter a lot and they are very simple to do. 

As always I am very hopefully for the future.  I promise to never give up and to always try my best.